One of the weird things about blogging about baseball is I never really know how much my audience can take. Should I feel comfortable using baseball's weird vernacular? Or should I slow down and explain things like double plays and sacrifices? Baseball has such an extensive and precise idiom that you never know how much knowledge to presume. Everyone knows what a strike is, right? An out? It's a difficult line to walk.
This problem reminds me of a pretty good story. In summer 2005, when I was interning at my former law firm, I went to 3 baseball games on the firm's dime. The first was an Arizona Diamondbacks game in June, when the firm flew us down to Scottsdale for a long weekend of drinking and carousing. At the game, I sat next to a nice girl who didn't know shit about baseball. Feeling compelled to ingratiate myself to my new peers, I happily and patiently spent the entire game explaining baseball to her.
If you've ever had to do this, you realize how difficult it is.
A few weeks later, I sat with 3 other interns in the firm's plush box seats at Yankee Stadium. One of the interns grew up in India and also knew nothing about baseball. Patiently--if not happily--I tried my best to explain the basic rules, followed by the subtleties, to my new friend.
Finally, at the end of July, my firm sent the entire summer class to Yankee Stadium to watch a game from the right field bleachers. Having had virtually all the pleasure of my last 2 baseball games removed by the task of explaining its byzantine rules to the uninitiated, I was intent on watching this game surrounded by friendly, knowledgeable baseball fans.
I finally settled on two guys, both smart, longtime fans. I told them about my experience at the previous two games, and the guys, fully appreciating my pain, agreed not to leave my side.
So we're at the game, enjoying the hell out of it. We're talking baseball and I'm feeling good. Around the third inning, one of my buddies says he's got to take a leak. By this time everyone has shown up and settled into their seats. But just to be safe, I scooch halfway into the empty seat to my left and spread my knees, trying to take up as much room as possible.
Almost immediately I hear a thick accent calling my name. Reluctantly, I look over my shoulder and see one of our German exchange interns, five rows behind me, literally climbing over everyone between us. He hurdles the last row and lands his right foot in the space my small-bladdered friend had just abandoned.
"David," he says excitedly, "you know all about baseball. Please tell me what I am watching!"
It was a long game.
Showing posts with label sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sports. Show all posts
August 9, 2009
August 8, 2009
Baseball blog
[NB: Here's the complete set of live posts I blogged during this afternoon's Red Sox-Yankees game. Scroll down to the previous post, LIVE BLOGGING EVENT, for some background.]
PREGAME:
Jason Bay's hamstring is still acting up, so Kevin Youkilis is again playing out of position in left field, with backup Casey Kotchman filling in at 1st. Kotchman is a journeyman, an adept fielder without much power. The Sox acquired him last week from the Braves for Adam LaRoche, whom they had acquired a couple of weeks earlier from the Pirates. The Red Sox said they felt compelled to trade LaRoche because, after acquiring Victor Martinez from the Indians, they had nowhere for LaRoche to play. But the curious thing is, they traded LaRoche for another first baseman, meaning they would presumably have the same problem playing Kotchman that they would have had with LaRoche.
And now, one injury later, Kotchman is forced to play seriously intense games while LaRoche--a far more dangerous hitter--is toiling with the Braves. I don't understand this at all.
1ST INNING:
Bottom of the 1st. Boston's pitcher is Clay Buchholz, a youngster who came to fame in 2007 when he threw a September no-hitter against the Orioles. I watched that game with my mom. Since then he's been a disaster in the big leagues. The Red Sox refuse to trade him because he has great stuff and he's been lights out in the minors. But for whatever reason, he can't get major leaguers out with any consistency. My dad called a few games ago to complain about Buchholz's delivery: it looks like he falls off the mound to his left on his follow through, which tends to leave his pitches out over the plate against right handed hitters.
Second batter of the game and Youkilis drops an easy fly ball in left field. Did I mention he's playing out of position?
A look at Buchholz's stats against right and left handed hitters backs up Dad's theory. Ordinarily, a right-handed pitcher will perform better against right-handed hitters and worse against lefties. Granted, the sample size is small, but Buchholz has performed far worse against righties: in roughly the same number of innings, he's allowed 4 more baserunners, 3 more home runs, and 7 more earned runs against righties.
0-0 after 1.
2ND INNING:
Ortiz gets booed again by the Yankees fans, presumably on account of the steroid accusations. Joe Buck speculates that the fans are booing "more out of a sense of gamesmanship than disgust". I'm not sure how many Yankee fans know what gamesmanship means.
Another perfect inning for C.C. Sabathia.
3RD INNING:
Kotchman strikes out. Sabathia, who looked horrible in April after signing a huge contract in the offseason, has been phenomenal ever since. The Red Sox haven't scored a run in 18 straight innings.
Boston shortstop Nick Green played for the Yankees in 2006. Interestingly enough, he scored the winning run against the Sox in the 5th game of that brutal August series I just wrote about when Keith Foulke uncorked a wild pitch in the 8th inning, permitting Green to score from 3rd.
______
Yanks have 2 men on with nobody out in the bottom of the 3rd, with good old Jeter at the plate. I foresee bad things.
______
Wrong. Jeter grounds weakly into a double play, third-to-second-to-first. Of course Buchholz then walks Damon on 4 pitches. Yowzers. Teixeira drives in Cabrera on a sharp single to right. Yankees 1, Sox 0.
4TH INNING:
[NB: I'll probably go back and paste all these things into a single post, so people don't have to read them in reverse. One interesting thing about blogging is: if you have any sort of serial narrative going on, the reader has to read from bottom to top. Doesn't everything else in the English language read top left to bottom right?]
Sabathia has a perfect game through 4 innings. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver have been boring, but not as dumb as I had hoped.
Back in 2007, I blogged game one of the World Series between the Red Sox and the Rockies. It didn't go well, but at least I got some choice quotes from McCarver and Ken Rosenthal.
Long inning for Buchholz. No damage yet, but 2 on with 2 out. Joe Buck points out, astutely, that all the hits off Buchholz today have been by left-handed batters. This doesn't exactly jive with my analysis from back in the first inning, but I'm sticking to my guns.
Cabrera, a rightie, strikes out to end the inning.
TOP OF THE 5TH:
Tim McCarver inveighs against the well-known tradition that announcers don't mention a no-hitter (or a perfect game) while it's in progress. He's right, of course, that superstition is stupid. But it's surprising to hear from a former ballplayer (and a catcher, no less). I love silly baseball superstitions and I wouldn't dare talk about a perfect game while it's in progress. Unless the pitcher is a Yankee.
Sabathia walks Ortiz, who's hitting .047 in his last 5 games, on a borderline inside curveball. No more perfect game. Sabathia quickly retires Lowell and Drew. The no-hitter is intact.
BONUS: here's some funny analysis of a classic Tim McCarver quote, also from the 2007 playoffs.
BOTTOM OF THE 5TH:
Youkilis misplays another fly ball, although this was a more difficult play than the other one. Just like in the 1st inning, Damon finds himself on 2nd with one out. The Yankee fans are really laying it on good old Youk.
I think this is the inning where Buchholz falls apart.
Teixeira walks, A-Rod grounds out but moves the runners over to 2nd and 3rd. Fortunately Matsui grounds out to the pitcher; crisis averted.
6TH INNING:
Ellsbury, Boston's center fielder, singles to center with 2 outs, breaking up the no-hitter. I remember a game back in 2001, when the Yankees were in Boston and Mike Mussina took a perfect game into the 9th inning. Finally, with 2 outs and 2 strikes, Carl Everett singled cleanly to left field. The Red Sox were still losing, but the fans cheered like they had just won the pennant. It was thrilling and surreal, even on TV. Yankees first baseman Clay Bellinger said afterwards, "it felt like we lost the game."
Back to 2009. Pedroia strikes out on 3 pitches to end the inning. Sabathia has thrown 92 pitches through 6 innings; the Sox' only hope is that he tires himself out before the 9th.
______
Bottom 6. Leadoff double for Cano. Buchholz has allowed 10 baserunners in 5+ innings. He's been really lucky so far, but it can't last forever.
Swisher sacrifices Cano to third, then Buchholz intentionally walks Cabrera to set up the double play. Molina, New York's slow-footed catcher, is up to bat.
Molina promptly flies out deep to center field, scoring Cano easily. Jeter flies out to right. 2-0 Yanks.
7TH INNING:
It's hard to tell how this live blogging is going. It certainly doesn't help that no one is actually reading this in real time. If anything, the game goes a lot faster when you're constantly trying to think of interesting things to say.
Meanwhile, Martinez walks and Youkilis singles, both with nobody out. Ortiz, former Boston folk hero, recent steroid casualty, steps in looking nothing like the clutch hitter he was two long years ago...
...And promptly strikes out on a shitty call by the home plate ump. Mike Lowell, perhaps the slowest runner in the American League, then grounds into a double play. Still 2-0 Yankees.
________
Ramon Ramirez relieves Buchholz to start the 7th. You could say Buchholz pitched bravely, but mostly he got lucky. Still one of his best performances since the no-hitter in 2007.
With a man on first and one out, Ramirez hits A-Rod with the first pitch. The umpire immediately ejects Ramirez from the game, and the Red Sox are understandably furious.
A couple of batters later, the new pitcher, Gonzalez , gives up a two out, bases loaded walk to plate another run. 3-0 Yanks.
8TH INNING:
Sabathia strikes out Kotchman for the 3rd time, then gets lifted for a relief pitcher. Final line on Sabathia: 7 2/3 innings, 0 runs, 2 hits, 2 walks, 9 strikeouts. Not a bad day's work.
Phil Hughes comes on and strikes out poor Nick Green on 4 pitches. The Red Sox haven't scored in 23 innings, and they're about to lose their 5th game in a row.
______
Bottom 8. Two run homer for Jeter. 5-0 Yanks. I can't believe the announcers haven't compared this bloodbath to the 2006 series yet.
9TH INNING:
Well this sucks. I'm supposed to see a friend's band tonight at 8:00. The only suspense is whether David Robertson can shut down the Red Sox fast enough for me to make the show.
He cannot. Not that the Red Sox come back to win, but they manage to hang around long enough to make me late. A moral victory, I suppose.
PREGAME:
Jason Bay's hamstring is still acting up, so Kevin Youkilis is again playing out of position in left field, with backup Casey Kotchman filling in at 1st. Kotchman is a journeyman, an adept fielder without much power. The Sox acquired him last week from the Braves for Adam LaRoche, whom they had acquired a couple of weeks earlier from the Pirates. The Red Sox said they felt compelled to trade LaRoche because, after acquiring Victor Martinez from the Indians, they had nowhere for LaRoche to play. But the curious thing is, they traded LaRoche for another first baseman, meaning they would presumably have the same problem playing Kotchman that they would have had with LaRoche.
And now, one injury later, Kotchman is forced to play seriously intense games while LaRoche--a far more dangerous hitter--is toiling with the Braves. I don't understand this at all.
1ST INNING:
Bottom of the 1st. Boston's pitcher is Clay Buchholz, a youngster who came to fame in 2007 when he threw a September no-hitter against the Orioles. I watched that game with my mom. Since then he's been a disaster in the big leagues. The Red Sox refuse to trade him because he has great stuff and he's been lights out in the minors. But for whatever reason, he can't get major leaguers out with any consistency. My dad called a few games ago to complain about Buchholz's delivery: it looks like he falls off the mound to his left on his follow through, which tends to leave his pitches out over the plate against right handed hitters.
Second batter of the game and Youkilis drops an easy fly ball in left field. Did I mention he's playing out of position?
A look at Buchholz's stats against right and left handed hitters backs up Dad's theory. Ordinarily, a right-handed pitcher will perform better against right-handed hitters and worse against lefties. Granted, the sample size is small, but Buchholz has performed far worse against righties: in roughly the same number of innings, he's allowed 4 more baserunners, 3 more home runs, and 7 more earned runs against righties.
0-0 after 1.
2ND INNING:
Ortiz gets booed again by the Yankees fans, presumably on account of the steroid accusations. Joe Buck speculates that the fans are booing "more out of a sense of gamesmanship than disgust". I'm not sure how many Yankee fans know what gamesmanship means.
Another perfect inning for C.C. Sabathia.
3RD INNING:
Kotchman strikes out. Sabathia, who looked horrible in April after signing a huge contract in the offseason, has been phenomenal ever since. The Red Sox haven't scored a run in 18 straight innings.
Boston shortstop Nick Green played for the Yankees in 2006. Interestingly enough, he scored the winning run against the Sox in the 5th game of that brutal August series I just wrote about when Keith Foulke uncorked a wild pitch in the 8th inning, permitting Green to score from 3rd.
______
Yanks have 2 men on with nobody out in the bottom of the 3rd, with good old Jeter at the plate. I foresee bad things.
______
Wrong. Jeter grounds weakly into a double play, third-to-second-to-first. Of course Buchholz then walks Damon on 4 pitches. Yowzers. Teixeira drives in Cabrera on a sharp single to right. Yankees 1, Sox 0.
4TH INNING:
[NB: I'll probably go back and paste all these things into a single post, so people don't have to read them in reverse. One interesting thing about blogging is: if you have any sort of serial narrative going on, the reader has to read from bottom to top. Doesn't everything else in the English language read top left to bottom right?]
Sabathia has a perfect game through 4 innings. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver have been boring, but not as dumb as I had hoped.
Back in 2007, I blogged game one of the World Series between the Red Sox and the Rockies. It didn't go well, but at least I got some choice quotes from McCarver and Ken Rosenthal.
Long inning for Buchholz. No damage yet, but 2 on with 2 out. Joe Buck points out, astutely, that all the hits off Buchholz today have been by left-handed batters. This doesn't exactly jive with my analysis from back in the first inning, but I'm sticking to my guns.
Cabrera, a rightie, strikes out to end the inning.
TOP OF THE 5TH:
Tim McCarver inveighs against the well-known tradition that announcers don't mention a no-hitter (or a perfect game) while it's in progress. He's right, of course, that superstition is stupid. But it's surprising to hear from a former ballplayer (and a catcher, no less). I love silly baseball superstitions and I wouldn't dare talk about a perfect game while it's in progress. Unless the pitcher is a Yankee.
Sabathia walks Ortiz, who's hitting .047 in his last 5 games, on a borderline inside curveball. No more perfect game. Sabathia quickly retires Lowell and Drew. The no-hitter is intact.
BONUS: here's some funny analysis of a classic Tim McCarver quote, also from the 2007 playoffs.
BOTTOM OF THE 5TH:
Youkilis misplays another fly ball, although this was a more difficult play than the other one. Just like in the 1st inning, Damon finds himself on 2nd with one out. The Yankee fans are really laying it on good old Youk.
I think this is the inning where Buchholz falls apart.
Teixeira walks, A-Rod grounds out but moves the runners over to 2nd and 3rd. Fortunately Matsui grounds out to the pitcher; crisis averted.
6TH INNING:
Ellsbury, Boston's center fielder, singles to center with 2 outs, breaking up the no-hitter. I remember a game back in 2001, when the Yankees were in Boston and Mike Mussina took a perfect game into the 9th inning. Finally, with 2 outs and 2 strikes, Carl Everett singled cleanly to left field. The Red Sox were still losing, but the fans cheered like they had just won the pennant. It was thrilling and surreal, even on TV. Yankees first baseman Clay Bellinger said afterwards, "it felt like we lost the game."
Back to 2009. Pedroia strikes out on 3 pitches to end the inning. Sabathia has thrown 92 pitches through 6 innings; the Sox' only hope is that he tires himself out before the 9th.
______
Bottom 6. Leadoff double for Cano. Buchholz has allowed 10 baserunners in 5+ innings. He's been really lucky so far, but it can't last forever.
Swisher sacrifices Cano to third, then Buchholz intentionally walks Cabrera to set up the double play. Molina, New York's slow-footed catcher, is up to bat.
Molina promptly flies out deep to center field, scoring Cano easily. Jeter flies out to right. 2-0 Yanks.
7TH INNING:
It's hard to tell how this live blogging is going. It certainly doesn't help that no one is actually reading this in real time. If anything, the game goes a lot faster when you're constantly trying to think of interesting things to say.
Meanwhile, Martinez walks and Youkilis singles, both with nobody out. Ortiz, former Boston folk hero, recent steroid casualty, steps in looking nothing like the clutch hitter he was two long years ago...
...And promptly strikes out on a shitty call by the home plate ump. Mike Lowell, perhaps the slowest runner in the American League, then grounds into a double play. Still 2-0 Yankees.
________
Ramon Ramirez relieves Buchholz to start the 7th. You could say Buchholz pitched bravely, but mostly he got lucky. Still one of his best performances since the no-hitter in 2007.
With a man on first and one out, Ramirez hits A-Rod with the first pitch. The umpire immediately ejects Ramirez from the game, and the Red Sox are understandably furious.
A couple of batters later, the new pitcher, Gonzalez , gives up a two out, bases loaded walk to plate another run. 3-0 Yanks.
8TH INNING:
Sabathia strikes out Kotchman for the 3rd time, then gets lifted for a relief pitcher. Final line on Sabathia: 7 2/3 innings, 0 runs, 2 hits, 2 walks, 9 strikeouts. Not a bad day's work.
Phil Hughes comes on and strikes out poor Nick Green on 4 pitches. The Red Sox haven't scored in 23 innings, and they're about to lose their 5th game in a row.
______
Bottom 8. Two run homer for Jeter. 5-0 Yanks. I can't believe the announcers haven't compared this bloodbath to the 2006 series yet.
9TH INNING:
Well this sucks. I'm supposed to see a friend's band tonight at 8:00. The only suspense is whether David Robertson can shut down the Red Sox fast enough for me to make the show.
He cannot. Not that the Red Sox come back to win, but they manage to hang around long enough to make me late. A moral victory, I suppose.
LIVE BLOGGING EVENT
For the Boston Red Sox, the 2009 season is shaping up to be a lot like 2006. In both seasons, they start out hot and enjoy a small lead over the Yankees throughout most of the first half. But sometime around end the of July, things start to turn, and by mid-August the Yankees are comfortably out in front.
In both seasons, the Yankees begin to play really well in July for a variety of reasons: a key player returns from injury, new teammates finally get used to the tense media environment, or maybe just a simple regression to the mean: as the season wears on and the sample size increases, the most talented and highest-paid team naturally rises to the top. The Red Sox, meanwhile, suffer a handful of mid-season injuries and media distractions and the season unravels. Varitek breaks his elbow, Wakefield hurts his back. Manny complains about an aching knee, then forgets which one to limp on. Ortiz finds his name on the steroid list and helplessly denies any wrongdoing. Boston's reliance on aging, broken-down pitchers--Schilling, Smoltz--ultimately backfires.
Three years ago New York came into Boston to play 5 games in 4 days over a very long weekend, with the Yankees leading the East by, I think, two games. [Editor's note: it was 1.5 games.] I was in Argentina on my post-Bar trip, so I barely managed to follow the series. The first day, Friday, held a double-header which the Yankees swept. Saturday afternoon saw another Yankee win; the Sox were now down by [4.5] games and their season was quickly going belly up.
That Sunday, I traveled alone to a small town in central Argentina, where I checked into a little hotel (the same hotel where I set my tepid Hemingway piece). For the first time on my trip, my room had cable TV. That evening after dinner, too exhausted by the day's travel to explore the town, I switched on the TV and found, of all things, ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball. That game was probably the best the Yanks and Sox had played since the 2004 playoffs. I think Schilling pitched. The Sox were up 1 in the 9th, with Papelbon on the mound to close things out. With two outs, he threw an outside fastball to Jeter that the smarmy Yankee shortstop punched weakly to the opposite field to score Cabrera and tie the game. New York beat up on rookie Hansen in the 10th and the game was over. Watching this game, alone in Argentina, is one of my fondest baseball memories.
David Wells--erstwhile Yankee--pitched well the next day, but no one was surprised when Boston fell 2-1. The Sox continued to flounder afterwards, failing to make the playoffs for the only time since 2002.
And so anyway, the same thing is happening to the Red Sox right now. This time it's a four game series played in New York, but otherwise the setup is eerily similar. The Yanks destroyed the Sox on Thursday, then played an historic game last night, finally winning 2-0 in the 15th inning on an A-Rod home run. I have a feeling last night was the game, like the Sunday night contest in 2006, that marked the end of Boston's season.
Of course I'm happy to be wrong. Today's game is on Fox and starts in about an hour. I'm going to live blog it. But I wanted to post this first, so people won't think I'm piggybacking on Joe Buck and Tim McCarver when they talk incessantly about the "Boston Massacre" of August 2006.
Probably this will suck. But whenever McCarver is involved, entertainment stands a fighting chance. Wish me well.
In both seasons, the Yankees begin to play really well in July for a variety of reasons: a key player returns from injury, new teammates finally get used to the tense media environment, or maybe just a simple regression to the mean: as the season wears on and the sample size increases, the most talented and highest-paid team naturally rises to the top. The Red Sox, meanwhile, suffer a handful of mid-season injuries and media distractions and the season unravels. Varitek breaks his elbow, Wakefield hurts his back. Manny complains about an aching knee, then forgets which one to limp on. Ortiz finds his name on the steroid list and helplessly denies any wrongdoing. Boston's reliance on aging, broken-down pitchers--Schilling, Smoltz--ultimately backfires.
Three years ago New York came into Boston to play 5 games in 4 days over a very long weekend, with the Yankees leading the East by, I think, two games. [Editor's note: it was 1.5 games.] I was in Argentina on my post-Bar trip, so I barely managed to follow the series. The first day, Friday, held a double-header which the Yankees swept. Saturday afternoon saw another Yankee win; the Sox were now down by [4.5] games and their season was quickly going belly up.
That Sunday, I traveled alone to a small town in central Argentina, where I checked into a little hotel (the same hotel where I set my tepid Hemingway piece). For the first time on my trip, my room had cable TV. That evening after dinner, too exhausted by the day's travel to explore the town, I switched on the TV and found, of all things, ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball. That game was probably the best the Yanks and Sox had played since the 2004 playoffs. I think Schilling pitched. The Sox were up 1 in the 9th, with Papelbon on the mound to close things out. With two outs, he threw an outside fastball to Jeter that the smarmy Yankee shortstop punched weakly to the opposite field to score Cabrera and tie the game. New York beat up on rookie Hansen in the 10th and the game was over. Watching this game, alone in Argentina, is one of my fondest baseball memories.
David Wells--erstwhile Yankee--pitched well the next day, but no one was surprised when Boston fell 2-1. The Sox continued to flounder afterwards, failing to make the playoffs for the only time since 2002.
And so anyway, the same thing is happening to the Red Sox right now. This time it's a four game series played in New York, but otherwise the setup is eerily similar. The Yanks destroyed the Sox on Thursday, then played an historic game last night, finally winning 2-0 in the 15th inning on an A-Rod home run. I have a feeling last night was the game, like the Sunday night contest in 2006, that marked the end of Boston's season.
Of course I'm happy to be wrong. Today's game is on Fox and starts in about an hour. I'm going to live blog it. But I wanted to post this first, so people won't think I'm piggybacking on Joe Buck and Tim McCarver when they talk incessantly about the "Boston Massacre" of August 2006.
Probably this will suck. But whenever McCarver is involved, entertainment stands a fighting chance. Wish me well.
October 25, 2007
The Big Obvious Ripoff World Series Running Diary
Living in a city where you know zero people doesn't exactly make watching the baseball playoffs a lot of fun. Rather than sit around watching game one of the World Series by myself in my underwear, I thought I'd sit around watching game one of the World Series by myself in my underwear while keeping a running diary of the game. Sure, I'm ripping off The Sports Guy, but fuck it: who doesn't these days?
Bottom 1st, one out: With Youkilis on second, Ortiz squares around to bunt. Tim McCarver is so apoplectic he doesn't make any sense: "Here's a guy who DISDAINS on base percentage! And he's trying to bunt?!" Uh, Tim? Maybe you meant "reveres"? "Venerates"? "Lives and dies by"? Because you definitely didn't mean "disdains".
End of the 1st: One of those stupid iPhone commercials. You know the one where the pilot says his flight was delayed so he gets on his iPhone and checks weather.com and tells the dispatcher the weather system is passing? What the hell?? That's so obviously fake. What? The fucking dispatchers aren't monitoring the fucking weather? Plus: what did the pilot do that he couldn't have done on a Blackberry five years ago? Jesus.
Another commercial: Dane Cook, official spokesperson for October/Rocktober/Actober: "Someone...will do SOMETHING...that will SYMBOLIZE THEIR CAREER!" No, Dane. That barely even makes sense.
Bottom 2nd, two out: McCarver points out that the Rockies are defending Ortiz straight up the middle, rather than shifting the infield towards right field. Every other team would have the third baseman playing at shortstop, ready to cover second on a double play. Either the Rockies know something nobody else does, or Ortiz is going to make them pay.
Still Ortiz: Ortiz doubles to left field on a line drive that barely clears a perfectly positioned Tulowitzki at shortstop. Huh.
Top 3rd, one out: It's raining steadily in Boston and the groundskeeper just told the home plate umpire it's about to get worse. I admire the fans for staying so fired up: Boston in the rain is an incredibly depressing place. It rained when I was in Boston in 2004 for the Red Sox' victory parade. We drove all night to get there, but the rain was so depressing we actually thought about skipping the parade. So.
Top 4th, one out: You know what I've been meaning to rant about forever? Those fucking in-game managerial interviews. It's obvious the managers hate doing them; they're managing a fucking playoff game, for crying out loud. No manager with a brain stem would ever say anything interesting during the middle of a game. And worst of all, THE GAME IS GOING ON OFF CAMERA WHILE THEY TALK. As if on cue, Helton doubles off the Green Monster while Francona is busy telling the audience what a bad cribbage player Dustin Pedroia is.
Bottom 4th, 2 out: The Rockies MUST know something about Ortiz. There's no one on base, yet they still play him straight up, defensively. Lo and behold, he hits it to left field again, this time for a single. The Sox are catching tons of breaks, but the Rockies are obviously a brilliant defensive team.
Top 5th, one out: This is getting boring. The umpire is squeezing Beckett's strike zone something fierce, presumably trying to keep the game close any way he can.
Bottom 5th, two out: Ortiz up again, and damned if Colorado's outfield isn't actually shading towards left field. They've gone beyond playing him straight and are actually playing him to go the other way. Ortiz lines a double to dead center, where any sane centerfielder would have been standing, for an easy double. Maybe I spoke too soon about Colorado's defensive genius.
Bottom 5th, two out: Field reporter extraordinaire Ken Rosenthal just said the Rockies defeated the Cubs and the Diamondbacks in the National League playoffs. WRONG. Way to be prepared, Ken.
The rest of the damn game: It's like 837 -1 at this point, and I'm fresh out of things to say. As much as I love the Red Sox, I wouldn't mind a competitive game or two before they wrap this thing up.
Thanks for indulging this horribly failed experiment. I promise I'll get back to never blogging again shortly.
Bottom 1st, one out: With Youkilis on second, Ortiz squares around to bunt. Tim McCarver is so apoplectic he doesn't make any sense: "Here's a guy who DISDAINS on base percentage! And he's trying to bunt?!" Uh, Tim? Maybe you meant "reveres"? "Venerates"? "Lives and dies by"? Because you definitely didn't mean "disdains".
End of the 1st: One of those stupid iPhone commercials. You know the one where the pilot says his flight was delayed so he gets on his iPhone and checks weather.com and tells the dispatcher the weather system is passing? What the hell?? That's so obviously fake. What? The fucking dispatchers aren't monitoring the fucking weather? Plus: what did the pilot do that he couldn't have done on a Blackberry five years ago? Jesus.
Another commercial: Dane Cook, official spokesperson for October/Rocktober/Actober: "Someone...will do SOMETHING...that will SYMBOLIZE THEIR CAREER!" No, Dane. That barely even makes sense.
Bottom 2nd, two out: McCarver points out that the Rockies are defending Ortiz straight up the middle, rather than shifting the infield towards right field. Every other team would have the third baseman playing at shortstop, ready to cover second on a double play. Either the Rockies know something nobody else does, or Ortiz is going to make them pay.
Still Ortiz: Ortiz doubles to left field on a line drive that barely clears a perfectly positioned Tulowitzki at shortstop. Huh.
Top 3rd, one out: It's raining steadily in Boston and the groundskeeper just told the home plate umpire it's about to get worse. I admire the fans for staying so fired up: Boston in the rain is an incredibly depressing place. It rained when I was in Boston in 2004 for the Red Sox' victory parade. We drove all night to get there, but the rain was so depressing we actually thought about skipping the parade. So.
Top 4th, one out: You know what I've been meaning to rant about forever? Those fucking in-game managerial interviews. It's obvious the managers hate doing them; they're managing a fucking playoff game, for crying out loud. No manager with a brain stem would ever say anything interesting during the middle of a game. And worst of all, THE GAME IS GOING ON OFF CAMERA WHILE THEY TALK. As if on cue, Helton doubles off the Green Monster while Francona is busy telling the audience what a bad cribbage player Dustin Pedroia is.
Bottom 4th, 2 out: The Rockies MUST know something about Ortiz. There's no one on base, yet they still play him straight up, defensively. Lo and behold, he hits it to left field again, this time for a single. The Sox are catching tons of breaks, but the Rockies are obviously a brilliant defensive team.
Top 5th, one out: This is getting boring. The umpire is squeezing Beckett's strike zone something fierce, presumably trying to keep the game close any way he can.
Bottom 5th, two out: Ortiz up again, and damned if Colorado's outfield isn't actually shading towards left field. They've gone beyond playing him straight and are actually playing him to go the other way. Ortiz lines a double to dead center, where any sane centerfielder would have been standing, for an easy double. Maybe I spoke too soon about Colorado's defensive genius.
Bottom 5th, two out: Field reporter extraordinaire Ken Rosenthal just said the Rockies defeated the Cubs and the Diamondbacks in the National League playoffs. WRONG. Way to be prepared, Ken.
The rest of the damn game: It's like 837 -1 at this point, and I'm fresh out of things to say. As much as I love the Red Sox, I wouldn't mind a competitive game or two before they wrap this thing up.
Thanks for indulging this horribly failed experiment. I promise I'll get back to never blogging again shortly.
October 2, 2007
More Sports
Last night's one game playoff between the Rockies and the Padres to determine the National League's Wild Card recipient was exciting as hell.
All well and good. But more importantly, doesn't Matt Holliday look like Darth Vader after he takes his helmet off in Return of the Jedi? I say yes:
ps. I wonder who taught Holliday to slide head first into home. You can bet it wasn't Rockies manager Casey Stengel.
All well and good. But more importantly, doesn't Matt Holliday look like Darth Vader after he takes his helmet off in Return of the Jedi? I say yes:
ps. I wonder who taught Holliday to slide head first into home. You can bet it wasn't Rockies manager Casey Stengel.
October 1, 2007
In NFL news, the NY Giants humiliated the Philadelphia Eagles 16-3 last night, sacking the Eagles' Donovan McNabb an NFL record 12 times. Defensive end Usi Umenyiora led the charge, registering six of those sacks by himself.
None of this is especially interesting, except that "Umenyiora" sounds uncannily like "human urine". And this made for some fun imaginary commentary between Al Michaels and John Madden in the NBC booth:
Michaels: "John, it looks like New York's defensive game plan is gonna be Umenyiora, Umenyiora, and more Umenyiora!"
Madden: "You said it, Al. I was talking to coach Fassel before the game, and he told me they were gonna throw Umenyiora at McNabb from all directions. He wasn't kidding!"
Michaels: "So far the plan has worked flawlessly. McNabb has had Umenyiora in his face all night long!"
Madden: "I really thought the Eagles' offensive line would dominate tonight. But Umenyiora has really changed the flow of this football game!"
None of this is especially interesting, except that "Umenyiora" sounds uncannily like "human urine". And this made for some fun imaginary commentary between Al Michaels and John Madden in the NBC booth:
Michaels: "John, it looks like New York's defensive game plan is gonna be Umenyiora, Umenyiora, and more Umenyiora!"
Madden: "You said it, Al. I was talking to coach Fassel before the game, and he told me they were gonna throw Umenyiora at McNabb from all directions. He wasn't kidding!"
Michaels: "So far the plan has worked flawlessly. McNabb has had Umenyiora in his face all night long!"
Madden: "I really thought the Eagles' offensive line would dominate tonight. But Umenyiora has really changed the flow of this football game!"
March 21, 2007
Las Vegas 2007: Mistakes Were Made
Dave and I found each other in the airport and sized each other up. It was past 11:00 on the west coast, Sunday night. We were the last two players remaining in a dangerous four-day game of basketball watching and beer drinking. Secretly, we were proud of each other.
"Well Dave," I said, "Here we are. We made some mistakes, no doubt, but I had a pretty good time."
"Oh yes," he replied. "Mistakes WERE made..." It looked like he was ready to say something else but then he thought better of it. Those three words said enough:
Mistake #1 The Imperial Palace
My friends did most of the organizing. They had heard rumors of a sweet sounding deal at the Imperial Palace, a second-rate casino across from Caesar's Palace. Two conference rooms would be converted into a basketball fan's paradise: Multiple high definition TVs, showing every game live. $1 hot dogs. $1 beers. Right across from the sports book, where we would bet on all of the 48 games.
The reality? There were multiple TVs showing every game, but they were decidedly low definition, and inconveniently located 20 feet apart, such that no one could watch more than 2 games at the same time. Every sports book, every sports bar-- hell, every sports fan with multiple TVs-- knows every TV needs to be visible at all times. But not the Imperial Palace. The beers? $4 domestic, $5 imported. The sports book? Down the hall. Wait in line half an hour to place your bets. Put $500 on the games and in return the cashier gives you coupons for 2 free drinks. DOMESTIC only drinks. Corona and Heineken not available. And by the way, the Imperial Palace is a $10 cab ride (or 3 stops on the monorail, for you bargain hunters!) from our perfectly acceptable hotel and casino.
Did I mention other casinos have cocktail waitresses who serve free drinks to gamblers?
Mistake #2 Not Speaking Up
I stayed at the Imperial Palace a couple of years ago. It sucked then, too. Its blackjack pit offers a gimmick called, I shit you not, The Dealertainers. The dealers would dress up like music stars-- Michael Jackson, Dolly Parton, Louis Armstrong, Alice Cooper-- and in return for this horrific service, they pay you 6 to 5 on blackjack instead of 3 to 2. When I was there, the IP offered a buffet that featured all-you-can-drink champagne. At the end of the buffet, there was a tap-- a tap!-- where each customer could pull himself a nice frothy glass of draft champagne.
Mercifully, this buffet has been replaced. Mercilessly, they added a seafood restaurant called, I shit you not, The Cockeyed Clam.
I should have spoken up.
Mistake #3 Going Back To The Imperial Palace On Friday
Groupthink at its best.
Mistake #4 Eating One Meal A Day
The desire to watch every single minute of basketball is understandable. Not waking up early enough to sneak in a meal beforehand is unacceptable.
Mistake #5 Time Zones
Drinking beer during every game is all part of the deal. But when the games start at 9:00 a.m., things get a little rough. Thursday is fun. Friday is tough, but peer pressure gets you through it. Saturday is horrible. By Sunday you've given up drinking forever.
Mistake #6 Passing out before your large mushroom pizza and 40 hot chicken wings arrive at your hotel room. I can't think of a title for this one, but god dammit was it ever a mistake. (Not A Mistake At All: Telling the operator you'll pay with cash.)
Mistake #7 Waiting Until You're Too Drunk To Learn How To Play Craps To Learn How To Play Craps.
It doesn't matter that I made $240 in half an hour. What matters is that I still don't know how to play craps.
Mistake #8 The Sunday Night Red Eye
I swore last July I would never fly a Sunday night Vegas red eye again. I was wrong.
Mistake #9 Waiting 26 Years Before Going To Vegas For March Madness
Mistakes were made.
"Well Dave," I said, "Here we are. We made some mistakes, no doubt, but I had a pretty good time."
"Oh yes," he replied. "Mistakes WERE made..." It looked like he was ready to say something else but then he thought better of it. Those three words said enough:
Mistake #1 The Imperial Palace
My friends did most of the organizing. They had heard rumors of a sweet sounding deal at the Imperial Palace, a second-rate casino across from Caesar's Palace. Two conference rooms would be converted into a basketball fan's paradise: Multiple high definition TVs, showing every game live. $1 hot dogs. $1 beers. Right across from the sports book, where we would bet on all of the 48 games.
The reality? There were multiple TVs showing every game, but they were decidedly low definition, and inconveniently located 20 feet apart, such that no one could watch more than 2 games at the same time. Every sports book, every sports bar-- hell, every sports fan with multiple TVs-- knows every TV needs to be visible at all times. But not the Imperial Palace. The beers? $4 domestic, $5 imported. The sports book? Down the hall. Wait in line half an hour to place your bets. Put $500 on the games and in return the cashier gives you coupons for 2 free drinks. DOMESTIC only drinks. Corona and Heineken not available. And by the way, the Imperial Palace is a $10 cab ride (or 3 stops on the monorail, for you bargain hunters!) from our perfectly acceptable hotel and casino.
Did I mention other casinos have cocktail waitresses who serve free drinks to gamblers?
Mistake #2 Not Speaking Up
I stayed at the Imperial Palace a couple of years ago. It sucked then, too. Its blackjack pit offers a gimmick called, I shit you not, The Dealertainers. The dealers would dress up like music stars-- Michael Jackson, Dolly Parton, Louis Armstrong, Alice Cooper-- and in return for this horrific service, they pay you 6 to 5 on blackjack instead of 3 to 2. When I was there, the IP offered a buffet that featured all-you-can-drink champagne. At the end of the buffet, there was a tap-- a tap!-- where each customer could pull himself a nice frothy glass of draft champagne.
Mercifully, this buffet has been replaced. Mercilessly, they added a seafood restaurant called, I shit you not, The Cockeyed Clam.
I should have spoken up.
Mistake #3 Going Back To The Imperial Palace On Friday
Groupthink at its best.
Mistake #4 Eating One Meal A Day
The desire to watch every single minute of basketball is understandable. Not waking up early enough to sneak in a meal beforehand is unacceptable.
Mistake #5 Time Zones
Drinking beer during every game is all part of the deal. But when the games start at 9:00 a.m., things get a little rough. Thursday is fun. Friday is tough, but peer pressure gets you through it. Saturday is horrible. By Sunday you've given up drinking forever.
Mistake #6 Passing out before your large mushroom pizza and 40 hot chicken wings arrive at your hotel room. I can't think of a title for this one, but god dammit was it ever a mistake. (Not A Mistake At All: Telling the operator you'll pay with cash.)
Mistake #7 Waiting Until You're Too Drunk To Learn How To Play Craps To Learn How To Play Craps.
It doesn't matter that I made $240 in half an hour. What matters is that I still don't know how to play craps.
Mistake #8 The Sunday Night Red Eye
I swore last July I would never fly a Sunday night Vegas red eye again. I was wrong.
Mistake #9 Waiting 26 Years Before Going To Vegas For March Madness
Mistakes were made.
February 17, 2007
Apocryphal Sports Idea the Entirety of Which I Stole From Someone Else
Last weekend a friend clued me onto an interesting football discussion he found on the internet. Someone had made the bold claim that a team down 14 points late in the 4th quarter is better off attempting a 2-point conversion after it scores a touchdown (thus putting them down 8 point before the conversion) rather than kicking the extra point.
Conventional wisdom suggests you kick the extra point, which puts you down 7 points and in position to score another touchdown and extra point to tie the game and send it to overtime. 2-point conversions, of course, are far less successful, and failing on the first attempt would put you down 8 points, meaning your team would be forced to convert a second 2-point conversion attempt just to tie the game and send it to overtime.
But the numbers don't lie: going for 2 clearly makes more sense.
Two important things to keep in mind: (1) Getting to overtime, which is the coach's only chance at winning when he kicks the extra points, means you'll only win (roughly) 50% of the time. (2) If you successfully convert a 2-point attempt after the first touchdown, you don't need to go for two again. You're only down 6 points, which means a touchdown and extra point wins the game outright.
Back to point (1): given that extra points are sometimes missed (approx. 2% of the time), this means the conservative coach's overall chance of winning is below 50%. (98% x 98% = 96.04%, the chances of making both extra points. Multiply by 50% to see how often you win in overtime and you get 48.02%. (There are other less likely outcomes, such as missing the first extra point then successfully earning a two-point conversion, or making the first extra point then missing the second, which put the overall chance of winning at 48.44%.)
But the aggressive coach will actually win more than half the time. The success rate of 2-point conversions has fluctuated between 40 and 50% since the NFL began allowing them in 1994. Let's use 42%. Going for 2 after the touchdown(s) means you'll win without overtime 41.16% (42% x 98%) of the time and lose before overtime 33.64% (58% x 58%) of the time. The remaining ~25% of the time, you'll go to overtime and win half, for an overall chance of winning at roughly 53.76%.
So, what's interesting about this? If you know anything about football, you know this argument flies in the face of pretty much every coach's strategy, which is almost always incredibly conservative.
But I was reading about this last Saturday night, right after the NFL Pro Bowl. As I read the synopsis of the game, I realized this exact situation had occurred. The NFC was down 28-14 with 3 minutes left in the game. It scored a quick touchdown and tried a 2-point conversion (and failed). It got the ball back and scored again, this time earning the 2 points and tying the game at 28. The NFC's coach, Sean Payton, had defied all conventional wisdom and tried out the strategy. He had succeeded in tying the game while also (if they had converted the first 2-point attempt) giving his team a shot to win outright.
In the end, however, Payton's team made one mistake-- they scored too quickly. There was enough time left on the clock for the AFC team to march down the field and kick a game-winning field goal as time expired. The AFC won 31-28.
Conventional wisdom suggests you kick the extra point, which puts you down 7 points and in position to score another touchdown and extra point to tie the game and send it to overtime. 2-point conversions, of course, are far less successful, and failing on the first attempt would put you down 8 points, meaning your team would be forced to convert a second 2-point conversion attempt just to tie the game and send it to overtime.
But the numbers don't lie: going for 2 clearly makes more sense.
Two important things to keep in mind: (1) Getting to overtime, which is the coach's only chance at winning when he kicks the extra points, means you'll only win (roughly) 50% of the time. (2) If you successfully convert a 2-point attempt after the first touchdown, you don't need to go for two again. You're only down 6 points, which means a touchdown and extra point wins the game outright.
Back to point (1): given that extra points are sometimes missed (approx. 2% of the time), this means the conservative coach's overall chance of winning is below 50%. (98% x 98% = 96.04%, the chances of making both extra points. Multiply by 50% to see how often you win in overtime and you get 48.02%. (There are other less likely outcomes, such as missing the first extra point then successfully earning a two-point conversion, or making the first extra point then missing the second, which put the overall chance of winning at 48.44%.)
But the aggressive coach will actually win more than half the time. The success rate of 2-point conversions has fluctuated between 40 and 50% since the NFL began allowing them in 1994. Let's use 42%. Going for 2 after the touchdown(s) means you'll win without overtime 41.16% (42% x 98%) of the time and lose before overtime 33.64% (58% x 58%) of the time. The remaining ~25% of the time, you'll go to overtime and win half, for an overall chance of winning at roughly 53.76%.
So, what's interesting about this? If you know anything about football, you know this argument flies in the face of pretty much every coach's strategy, which is almost always incredibly conservative.
But I was reading about this last Saturday night, right after the NFL Pro Bowl. As I read the synopsis of the game, I realized this exact situation had occurred. The NFC was down 28-14 with 3 minutes left in the game. It scored a quick touchdown and tried a 2-point conversion (and failed). It got the ball back and scored again, this time earning the 2 points and tying the game at 28. The NFC's coach, Sean Payton, had defied all conventional wisdom and tried out the strategy. He had succeeded in tying the game while also (if they had converted the first 2-point attempt) giving his team a shot to win outright.
In the end, however, Payton's team made one mistake-- they scored too quickly. There was enough time left on the clock for the AFC team to march down the field and kick a game-winning field goal as time expired. The AFC won 31-28.
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