August 29, 2007

Can't Tell Me Nothin

I'm painfully aware that this blog is degenerating into a lazy series of YouTube clips. That said, for lack of time (and inspiration), here's a lazy, albeit incredibly hilarious, YouTube clip:

Kanye's new album drops September 11th, the same day as 50 Cent's. In case you needed extra motivation, there's a rumor going around that 50 will retire if Kanye outsells him.

August 19, 2007

yet another story about oral hygiene

one of my friends is french. indelibly so. the other day he had a dental appointment that made him late to an afternoon meeting. as he walked in, i asked him how everything went.

"let me ask you a question," he said, by way of reply. "do you guys floss?"

"fuck no," i explained. "of course not," someone chimed in.

"oh, okay," he said, looking visibly relieved. "the dental hygienist asked me if i flossed. i wasn't sure, so i had to ask her: 'what is flossing?'"

August 17, 2007

Death to the encore!

Certain brothers sent me a link to a good article about how much encores suck. I won't bother rehashing all the reasons, but man do they (the encores) usually suck. What was (presumably) designed as an honest way for an audience to show their appreciation for a really kick-ass show has devolved into a mandatory feature of virtually every performance. Playing an encore is like leaving a tip at a restaurant. The only time you don't is when something goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Interestingly, last month's Pitchfork Music Festival afforded an opportunity to experience the thrill of a not-totally-expected encore. The first night of the festival was kind of gimmicky: it featured 3 bands each playing their most famous album from start to finish. Slint played first (some album I've never heard of), then the Wu Tang Clan's GZA (Liquid Swords), then Sonic Youth capped off the night with Daydream Nation.

Playing an entire album at a live event has some serious drawbacks. There's no anticipation of what song the band will play next or what they'll end with. Often the best songs come near the beginning. Between-song banter feels out of place, destroying the integrity of the album rather than being interesting or (in the case of The New Pornographers) hilarious.

But as Sonic Youth was finished up their album-ending "Trilogy", the one cool thing about an album feature came to light: no one knew if they would play an encore. They were the last show of the evening. A handful of people left. As the rest of us stayed and cheered, there was a real sense of excitement because we really didn't know if they would come back out. And if they did come out, we had no idea what they would play because they had already performed their most famous song as a part of Daydream Nation.

The encore was the best part of the show, by far. I can't speak for the rest of the audience, but I felt like we earned the encore we were enjoying, rather than getting something we all felt entitled to.

This is what all encores should feel like. Let's put an end to the tomfoolery and save encores for the transcendent shows that really deserve one. And eat some toast every once in a while, too.

Right click and save: The New Pornographers - Myriad Harbour

August 15, 2007

Yea Yeah!

Kill some time on a Wednesday:

August 14, 2007

Quite a musing

Here's a memory.

I remember in high school having an argument with my then-friend Jenny. I told her she didn't really love her boyfriend because she was a smoker. I explained that no one who was capable of treating herself so irresponsibly could be capable of truly loving someone. That if she really loved him, she would want to live as long as she could.

As you can probably imagine even if you've never met Jenny-- and certainly if you have-- this made her incredibly pissed off.

I remember remembering this story one night in college, sitting on my back porch in the dark. I was smoking a cigarette, watching its lit end light up my spectral face in a window every time I took a drag. I had been out there, alone, trying to figure out what I could do to get my ex-girlfriend back when the fight with Jenny came back to me instead.

As the cherry burned towards the filter, I could see myself more and more clearly in the dark window. I leaned back in my chair, quietly amused at how little I had known in high school, loudly naïve to how little I had learned since.

Currently playing: Of Montreal - The Past Is A Grotesque Animal

August 6, 2007

An Actual Mailbag

Here's an email I didn't make up:

Man, I had a dream last night that you had taken flying lessons and you and I were flying around in a little, single engine Cessna with you at the controls. I was in the copilot's seat but I wasn't really doing anything except being amazed at how deftly you handled that plane. I'm not sure if it was the first time you'd flown by yourself or not but I thought it was one of the first times and was a little nervous. But you seemed really confident and relaxed about it. I'm not sure from where we started but we planned to land in c'ville and, it being my first time flying with you, naturally I had some trepidation about the approach and landing. Not you, though. We came down steadily and landed smoothly and you parked somewhere and we got out and went into the terminal. I remember complaining to you in the terminal that I was extremely thirsty – also true in real life as I consumed many beers during and after kickball yesterday. Anyway, you told me of your plans to buy a/the plane so you could just fly yourself wherever you needed to go. You explained to me that since you didn't have a car payment or car insurance to pay for, buying your own Cessna seemed like a logical move. The plane sat 5 comfortably so you told me to start thinking of places you could fly me and Emily. Then you suggested we get back in the plane and fly to Key West for some margaritas but I had to decline because I had to get home.

Man it seemed so reasonable and everything made sense. We were both really excited about the newfound freedom your learning to fly and owning your own plane would afford us. Anyway, you might want to look into it.

August 3, 2007

Adventures in Vegetarianism, Part Two

One time when I was in law school some buddies and I rolled down to Florida for Spring Break to watch some preseason baseball. We were tooling down I-95 in South Carolina when we decided to stop for lunch. My friends were sensitive to my absurd dietary needs, and I was sensitive to their desire to get the hell out of South Carolina as quickly as possible, so we compromised and decided to go to Burger King, where I could get one of their disgusting veggie burgers.

We decided to park and go in rather than use the drive-thru so we could all take a leak. I took care of business then sauntered up to the counter, preparing myself for the worst meal of my life. I smiled pathetically at the teenage sales clerk and told her I wanted a veggie burger combo.

She looked at me suspiciously. "You want a vegetable hamburger?"

"Yeah, a veggie burger combo. It's right there on the board."

I should mention this was a pretty rural part of South Carolina. I honestly think I was the first person to ever order a veggie burger at this branch.

The girl turned around and looked quizzically at the board. "You want a veggie burger hamburger?"

I stifled a laugh. "Please. To go." I told myself the ordeal was almost over.

I moved down the line and waited for my 10% post-consumer-content recycled bag of 100% post-consumer-content veggie burger.

Eventually another teenager maundered up and held out a bag: "Veggie burger hamburger?" he asked.

That's me. We get back in the car and I unpack my lunch. The fries come out first, which is reassuring; at least they know how to pack a to-go bag properly. Then I realize there are two packages at the bottom of the bag. I take out the first one, and sure enough it's my veggie burger.

The other one is a good old-fashioned, charbroiled hamburger.

Veggie burger hamburger, indeed. My best guess is the girl was so confused about what I wanted that she gave me one of each to be safe. Which makes some sense: who the hell would actually WANT a veggie burger?

CERTAIN CLASSIC BLOG: Adventures in Vegetarianism, Part One

August 1, 2007

This is awesome:

clipped from

A survey in New Zealand identified "vegansexuals." Definition: No sex with carnivores. Sample quotes from respondents: 1) "I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance. Non-vegetarian bodies smell different to me—they are, after all, literally sustained through carcasses." 2) "I believe we are what we consume so I really struggle with bodily fluids, especially sexually." 3) "I couldn't think of kissing lips that allow dead animal pieces to pass between them." 4) "When you are vegan or vegetarian, you are very aware that when people eat a meaty diet, they are kind of a graveyard for animals." (Related columns: the case against eating animals; the case against sex with animals. To comment, click here.)

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My only question: shouldn't these weirdos call themselves "vegetariansexuals" instead? Or do they not fuck anyone who eats dairy products and honey either?