one of my friends is french. indelibly so. the other day he had a dental appointment that made him late to an afternoon meeting. as he walked in, i asked him how everything went.
"let me ask you a question," he said, by way of reply. "do you guys floss?"
"fuck no," i explained. "of course not," someone chimed in.
"oh, okay," he said, looking visibly relieved. "the dental hygienist asked me if i flossed. i wasn't sure, so i had to ask her: 'what is flossing?'"
______________________
Showing posts with label oral hygiene. Show all posts
Showing posts with label oral hygiene. Show all posts
August 19, 2007
April 30, 2007
How To Be A Lawyer, Part Two: Navigating Law School And Interviewing
STEP SIX: If you want to survive law school, you've got to treat it like a job. So go ahead and cut out early on your first day to see Radiohead in Maryland. Someone will cover for you.
STEP SEVEN: Law school can be pretty hard. You'll need a network of smart friends willing to share their notes, give you their outlines, and explain all the shit you're too dumb to figure out by yourself. The good news is, this isn't med school: as long as you bring something to the table, most people are willing to help you out.
STILL SEVEN: What do you bring to the table? It sure as hell isn't keen analytical insight, a yeomanlike work ethic, or oral hygiene. I recommend a steadfast commitment to always being the drunkest guy in the room. If you're always the drunkest guy in the room, then everyone else will feel free to let their hair down and drink as much as they want, knowing they'll never do anything as embarrassing as the guy wearing a black pom-pom on his head like a Jheri-curl. Your fellow law students will appreciate the social freedom your antics guarantee, and they'll reward you with six semesters of law review-caliber outlines. Trust me.
STEP EIGHT: Before you know it, it's time to start looking for a job. The secret to a successful interview is to remember that law is the absolute dead-on boringest subject known to man, and no one in their right mind would ever ever ever ever ever choose to talk about it of their own free will. Find something more interesting to discuss and you'll have a job in no time. For example, if your favorite baseball team recently staged an historic comeback from a three-games-to-none deficit against its arch rival to win the pennant then swept the St. Louis Cardinals to win its first world championship in 86 years, you could talk about that.
But honestly, even Harry Potter is more interesting than the résumé blather your interviewer has been listening to all day. Don't fuck this up.
___________________________________________
Be on the lookout for Part Three, sometime between tomorrow and mid-July.
STEP SEVEN: Law school can be pretty hard. You'll need a network of smart friends willing to share their notes, give you their outlines, and explain all the shit you're too dumb to figure out by yourself. The good news is, this isn't med school: as long as you bring something to the table, most people are willing to help you out.
STILL SEVEN: What do you bring to the table? It sure as hell isn't keen analytical insight, a yeomanlike work ethic, or oral hygiene. I recommend a steadfast commitment to always being the drunkest guy in the room. If you're always the drunkest guy in the room, then everyone else will feel free to let their hair down and drink as much as they want, knowing they'll never do anything as embarrassing as the guy wearing a black pom-pom on his head like a Jheri-curl. Your fellow law students will appreciate the social freedom your antics guarantee, and they'll reward you with six semesters of law review-caliber outlines. Trust me.
STEP EIGHT: Before you know it, it's time to start looking for a job. The secret to a successful interview is to remember that law is the absolute dead-on boringest subject known to man, and no one in their right mind would ever ever ever ever ever choose to talk about it of their own free will. Find something more interesting to discuss and you'll have a job in no time. For example, if your favorite baseball team recently staged an historic comeback from a three-games-to-none deficit against its arch rival to win the pennant then swept the St. Louis Cardinals to win its first world championship in 86 years, you could talk about that.
But honestly, even Harry Potter is more interesting than the résumé blather your interviewer has been listening to all day. Don't fuck this up.
___________________________________________
Be on the lookout for Part Three, sometime between tomorrow and mid-July.
November 20, 2006
August 31, 2006
crawlin' to the USA
A few lingering thoughts about Argentina, from which I returned a few days ago:
(1) The toothpaste sure is weird. The most promising variety I found at a corner store in Rosario was Red Berry flavor- some kind of cherry/strawberry/raspberry concoction. But my high hopes were quickly dashed. In addition to tasting horrible, its deep red hue left me wondering whether my gums have been bleeding more, less, or just as much.
(2) The music in Argentina was surprisingly tolerable. Predictably, radio was dominated by indistinguisable Spanish gibberish (great drinking game: drink every time someone says "corazón"). But the bars played a comforting mix of old and new American pop, by which I mean Nirvana and Gnarls Barkley, pretty much all the time. And TV, for whatever reason, demonstrated an admirable respect for semi-obscure rock. Certain channels would play music videos in between their regular broadcasts, and I caught songs by Belle and Sebastian ("Step Into My Office, Baby") and The Flaming Lips ("The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song"). Another Lips song ("It Overtakes Me/...") featured prominently in a commercial for stain remover.
That said, I suppose it's possible these songs were only selected because they appeal to young, wannabe hipster Gringos, for whom traveling entails sitting around watching TV as much as it does visiting museums, monuments, and mountain ranges. Dammit.
3) Now that I'm back, you can look forward to fewer tedious travelogues and more old-fashioned self-deprecation. I suck!
(1) The toothpaste sure is weird. The most promising variety I found at a corner store in Rosario was Red Berry flavor- some kind of cherry/strawberry/raspberry concoction. But my high hopes were quickly dashed. In addition to tasting horrible, its deep red hue left me wondering whether my gums have been bleeding more, less, or just as much.
(2) The music in Argentina was surprisingly tolerable. Predictably, radio was dominated by indistinguisable Spanish gibberish (great drinking game: drink every time someone says "corazón"). But the bars played a comforting mix of old and new American pop, by which I mean Nirvana and Gnarls Barkley, pretty much all the time. And TV, for whatever reason, demonstrated an admirable respect for semi-obscure rock. Certain channels would play music videos in between their regular broadcasts, and I caught songs by Belle and Sebastian ("Step Into My Office, Baby") and The Flaming Lips ("The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song"). Another Lips song ("It Overtakes Me/...") featured prominently in a commercial for stain remover.
That said, I suppose it's possible these songs were only selected because they appeal to young, wannabe hipster Gringos, for whom traveling entails sitting around watching TV as much as it does visiting museums, monuments, and mountain ranges. Dammit.
3) Now that I'm back, you can look forward to fewer tedious travelogues and more old-fashioned self-deprecation. I suck!
July 29, 2006
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