April 5, 2010

The most interesting man in the world

With the coming of spring, a young man's thoughts turn naturally to romance. Roughly two weeks later, they turn to baseball, where they remain for the next seven months. In honor of Major League Baseball's opening day, I thought I'd say a few words about Hall of Fame third baseman Wade Boggs.

The other day I made the case to my good friend Ms. Brick Johnson that Wade is the most interesting baseball player of all time. Ms. Johnson didn't believe me, but Ms. Johnson is wrong. How many things is Wade famous for? Let's see:

1) During every home game when Wade played for the Red Sox, a mysterious fan would yell "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade" after the first pitch of his first at-bat.
2) Incidentally, Wade never swung at the first pitch of any at-bat.
3) In perhaps the funniest rumor of all time, Wade is said to have once consumed 64 beers on a cross-country flight.
4) Wade reportedly kept a mistress in every major league city. (In fairness, he was probably not the only ballplayer to do this.)
5) Wade has never been photographed with The Most Interesting Man in the World. Why? Maybe because Wade is The Most Interesting Man in the World. You be the judge:

"I don't always drink 64 beers on a cross-country flight. But when I do, I prefer Dos Equis."

6)Wade famously ate chicken before every game. In fact, his only lasting nickname (who needs a nickname when your name is already Wade?) was Chicken Man. There's even a baseball card where Wade is holding a rubber chicken instead of a bat.
7) Wade's 3000th hit was a home run. No one else has ever done this.

Wade Anthony Boggs, I think I love you.