Okay, it's long past time to retire some fucking jokes. I don't think I've heard anyone who reads this use any of these, but in case I'm calling you out, whatever. You should know better and one day you'll thank me:
(1) The phrase "not so much".
(2) Blending words together to make fake words. I got some mileage out of this joke in AP History class when I suggested that Abraham Lincoln's postwar reconstruction plan should be called "Lincolnstruction". But that was over a decade ago. Fortunately, I have a feeling the always stupid and increasingly unavoidable Obama words (Obamamentum, Barackstar, et cetera) is going to suck the life right out of this joke.
(2)(part 2) Those AT&T ads where they smash multiple cities into one fake word like Chilondoscow or New San Frakota have been pissing me off for weeks. If you happened to work on these ads, please retire.
(3) "Best. [Something]. Ever." Just stop it. Please please please please please stop it. Obviously this goes for "Worst..." as well.
(4) That joke where you say "If by '[x]', you mean '[the opposite of x]', then yeah, [x]." As in, "If by 'studied for my test' you mean 'ate chocolate ice cream and watched Gossip Girl all day', then yeah, I studied for my test." It's time we turned the tables on this tired ploy. Start saying things like, "If by 'hungover', you mean 'dehydrated and fatigued with a pounding headache because I drank 12 beers and passed out in the stairwell last night', then yeah, I'm hungover." This is a much better joke.
That's all I can think of. But I have a sneaking suspicion I'll be revisiting this topic.
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Except for the combination of words "joke," you've been a big proponent of every other one of those "jokes" ever since I've known you. I always thought you invented the "if by x you mean y" "joke". Having said that, your alternative "joke" to that "joke" is pretty damn funny.
ReplyDeleteHow about we also eliminate, "Um...yeahhhh, about that..." (I'm looking your way Disgruntled Girlfriend)...
I'm inclined to distance myself from any suggestion that I ever used jokes 1 or 3, but you've known me long enough that I can't be sure.
ReplyDeleteBut my broader point is that some jokes have simply run their course. I enjoyed the "if by X, you mean Y" joke for a long time (and I'm delighted that you thought I invented it), but I think it's been played out.
And (umm...) yeah, about your other suggestion, I'm totally with you.