Yet Another Mailbag

I don't just pretend to receive letters; sometimes I pretend to send them, too. Recently I've kept myself busy writing fake letters to my favorite music celebrities. So busy, in fact, that I haven't had time to fake mail them!

So, like grandpa chugging a glass of Metamucil, it's time to empty the ol' outbag:

Dear Brandon Flowers,

I think The Killers rule! (I especially like the one album I own.) But one thing has always bugged me. In your song "All These Things That I've Done", you repeatedly sing, "I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier." Do you find that people make this mistake a lot? Personally, I've never misidentified anyone as a soldier; then again, I've never known anyone with an ounce of soul.

Best wishes for the new year!
_____

Dear Kanye West,

I think you're the greatest entertainer in the world. That's not hyperbole- I really mean it. I wonder if you could take time out of your frenetic schedule to answer a question from a longtime fan:

In your song "We Don't Care", you sing, "Drug dealin' just to get by/Stack your money 'til it gets sky high". This is one catchy lyric. But my question is, Does your character sell all those drugs to feed his family and pay his bills, or is he out to get rich? I read an article that said this song demonstrates your keen awareness of the tension between social responsibility and consumerism that informs many aspects of black culture.

I'll admit this didn't occur to me; I just figured you were looking for a good rhyme. So which is it?
_____

Dear Mike Skinner,

I've long enjoyed your work as the only member of The Streets. I think you're terrific. That's pretty much it, actually. Cheers!
_____

Dear Julian Casablancas,

I have grudgingly begun to accept that ignoring your band, The Strokes, won't make it go away. After listening to your first album, I have only one question: What are your thoughts on disaffected sex?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

Warm regards,
Blogadier General