Random Rules

In spite of my growing disdain of The Onion, I continue to admire its AV Club section. One recurring feature the AV Club offers is called "Random Rules", where they ask a celebrity-- loosely defined-- to put his iPod on shuffle and talk about whatever songs come up. Here's a recent example.

So I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm not going to skip around or anything, and I'm going to write my comments in real time. Just in case this sucks, I'm going to crack a Heineken tallboy before I start. Maybe you should do the same.

Here goes:

1. Kanye West, "Hey Mama"

Man I should crack 100 Heineken tallboys before talking about this song. My mom's had Multiple Sclerosis since I was a little kid, so I'm kind of partial to this song even if that makes me a huge pussy. Moving on, does every rapper have to write a song about his mom? Will anyone ever do as well in this department as Tupac did?

I saw Kanye in North Carolina the Wednesday before Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, as part of Hip Hop Thanksgiving, which also featured Mos Def, Talib Kweli, and Pharoah Monch the following Friday in D.C..

2. Spoon, "Someone Something"

I saw Spoon just last week at Webster Hall in New York with two of my siblings. The next night, New Year's Eve, we saw Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. We called it Rock 'N' Roll New Year's. Apparently I have a thing for music-themed holidays.

3. Elvis Costello, "Radio, Radio (Capital Radio Version)"

I've already written somewhere about this song. This is a stripped down early version recorded for a radio station somewhere. Elvis's plaintive voice and lack of production really changes the feel of the song.

God this didn't take long to suck, did it?

4. Talking Heads, "Heaven (live)"

My old boss introduced me to Talking Heads when I was selling knives after my first year of college. I borrowed his two-disc greatest hits compilation "Sand in the Vaseline" one day, then drove to Blacksburg to visit a buddy of mine. We got in a fight that night and I decided I was going to drive home, in spite of having consumed several beers. I popped disc one into my CD changer and the first track, "Sugar On My Tongue", freaked me out so much I pulled into a gas station and sat as still as I could until I sobered up.

5. Neil Young, "Cinnamon Girl"

Did you know Neil Young is sometimes referred to as The Godfather of Grunge? Does anyone remember Grunge? My brother's ground-breaking band The Coalition covered this song a few times, to mixed reviews.

6. God dammit what the hell is this song? Ah, yes, "Let the Funk Flow" by EPMD. I like having this album (Strictly Business) in my collection because it adds a veneer of credibility to my rap collection. But the truth is, I think it sucks.

A friend of mine hates Funk. And Jazz. She also sheds a lot of hair and never squeezes her toothpaste from the bottom OR flattens as she goes up.

7. The Beatles, "Birthday"

God, what luck. The White Album contains 9999 awesome songs, and Larry the iPod picks out this one. When you best remember a song for playing between innings at minor league baseball games, it's probably best not to remember the song at all.

8. Lauryn Hill, "When It Hurts So Bad"

I don't think I've ever heard this song. I bought this album because of that single she had way back when and for her awesome cover of "Can't Take My Eyes Off You". This song isn't as good.

Fuck me, this really sucks.

Maybe next week I'll cut my toenails and tell you a story about every last one of them.